So, I'm a day late on two things:
HAPPY JULY 4th!!
And...
Happy one year to me of being single!
WOW.
It's so hard for me to even begin to think of how much my life has changed in a year's time.
What's crazy is that I was at the same exact place July 4, 2015 as I was July 4, 2014: Crab Island.
But, this time there was no boy yelling at me as I sat in my parents' boat, crying and listening to him make false accusations after he'd snuck into my phone and read texts between my best (girl) friend and me. I have no reason to defend myself here because I did nothing wrong and I'll leave it at that.
This year's Crab Island July 4th adventure was much more fun and enjoyable for me. The weather turned out to be beautiful after morning showers cause slight worry for our boating plans. The water was clear. And I was in great company of family, friends and acquaintances. It seriously could not have been a better one-year anniversary of being single.
So, can I get a big CHEERS!?
With a year of being single and having 365 days to focus on just me, comes wisdom. I'm not even joking. I have learned so much about being comfortable with being alone. With discovering what makes me happy. With being selfish. With not giving AF what anyone else thinks about me. I've really adopted the last point and it's a trait that is so unlike me, but I'd say I'm owning it pretty damn well.
Here are some major lessons I've learned and grown from since July 4, 2014. (Who doesn't love lists, right?)
1) I learned to be OK with someone who once loved me, hating me and wanting nothing to do with me.
2) I learned to meet guys online, at bars, at Crab Island, and where ever else.
3) I'm learning* to accept compliments from men more openly.
4) I learned what I do and don't want in a guy.
5) I learned that I don't have a type.
6) I learned that even if a guy treats me like I walk on water, if the physical attraction isn't there for me, then I clocked out the second we met and it just took a few days for me to realize.
7) I learned how to turn a guy down. (But, always feel awful when it's the nice ones that I'm giving the bad news.)
8) I learned to embrace change, both good and bad, small and big.
9) I learned to embrace the corny-ass term YOLO.
10) I learned that I feel best about myself when I'm exercising and eating whatever I want. (DIEts, for real.)
11) I learned to establish new goals. Scary goals. Goals that no one ever saw coming. We are talking Jordan taking on a whole new life.
12) I learned that just because you fail at achieving one goal doesn't mean you should get discouraged or set smaller future goals. Raise that bar!
13) I learned that I have the four most amazing, best friends that any girl could ever dream of calling her own. My girls are my rocks. Without them, I probably would've ran away to Europe to backpack or teach abroad or live off the land or something absolutely insane.
14) I learned that less really IS more. The less you have in your life, the more thankful you are. Think about it.
15) I learned that comparing myself to others is ridiculous unless it makes me feel superior. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The truest words.
16) I learned that living on my own right now isn't something I'm financially able to do successfully.
17) And I learned to be ok with it. (My parents rock and took me back in after I lived on my own for six glorious, yet bank-account-draining months.)
18) I figured out how to ensure that I can move out of my parents' house one last time and make it on my own before I'm 30 and no longer young enough to find someone to marry me. Haha I'm only kidding about the last part. Or am I?...
19) I realized that I have written all of a handful of pages in my novel in the last year. And I am PISSED about it.
20) Which made me realize that when I wrote the first 65 pages of my book while living with my ex, to me, translates to the fact that I write best when I'm stressed and ultimately depressed.
21) I'm learning how to break that twisted sense of motivation.
22) I'm currently (in this very moment) making it my goal to have that damn book finished by the end of the year next year. I will not let 75-plus pages of some of my best writing and definitely my most favorite story line go to waste.
23) I learned that I spend way to much damn time on my phone. I really do need to "unplug".
24) I learned what wanderlust is and have diagnosed myself with it. I will be filling my prescription for the cure sometime in mid-August. Stay tuned.
25) I learned that my health has never been in more jeopardy than it has in the last year. I've had a handful of infections, a CT scan of my brain, two MRIs of my brain, two ultrasounds of my gall bladder and many blood tests run. Turns out I have seasonal allergies, I'm anemic, I have a cyst on my brain and I have gallbladder stones. Sounds awesome, right? Trust me, I've cried a lot over the past year, worrying about my health. But, doesn't worrying just make it worse?
26) I learned that I need to take better care of myself. Eating mostly healthy and exercising daily doesn't trump being stressed to the max all the time and not doing anything to appease it.
27) I learned that my little bro is one of my best friends.
28) I learned that rib tattoos hurt and people who have them and say otherwise are liars. Don't believe them. Just don't.
29) I learned to be spontaneous.
And above ALL
30) I learned to love myself for all of my flaws, my fears, my desires, my insecurities—everything.
Once you love yourself, and I mean TRULY love yourself, it makes you much more selective in finding a significant other. It's actually quite fun and much more laid back.
So, by July 4, 2016, I will expect nothing less out of myself than to have set bigger goals, to have achieved the ones I have now, and to continue to live my life in the moment and for nobody but myself.
"You haven't seen the best of me, I'm still working on my masterpiece."
-LJ
