No More Games

Over the past few days I've been hit pretty hard with a reality check.

Not a reality check on life or my career or anything "serious". A reality check on romance.

I'm not ashamed to admit that back in late December I created a Tinder profile. Yes, the dating app, Tinder. I met a couple of nice (non-stalker-killer-or-so-I-think) guys in person. However, they were no Mr. Perfect. I also "matched" with a few others whom I keep in touch with that actually seem pretty awesome.

But, that's not my point.

My point is that I have lost touch with my own, personal reality. With what being a 25-year-old successful woman is all about.

I work full time. I live on my own. I pay my own bills. I keep my fur child alive and kickin'. I do laundry at 11 p.m. on a hump day. And still, I am not completely content with my situation.

I have more thoughts rushing through my mind right now that any sane person could comprehend. Again, I am in no position to discuss what is to come in the near future, but as soon as I can, I will surely tell the world.

In the mean time, I've been planning/readying myself with all of the necessary steps for my new, future path that I have chosen. It's so stressful and absolutely thrilling and the same time. My family and friends fully support me and that makes me feel beyond loved. The planning process is ongoing and has been quite a pain, but I'm slowly accomplishing the necessary tasks one by one. I cannot wait to just fully begin what I have planned. And I definitely cannot wait to share the great news with everyone!

Instead of being proud of myself in readying for a new future, I've got plenty of other thoughts on my mind.

Men.

Boys.

Losers, basically.

Just when I thought dating couldn't get any more depressing, careless, useless, redundant, pathetic—I could go on until I'm too old to reproduce—I've reached the point of giving up... for a second time.

No details here, as I am sick and tired of boy bullshit. So very sick and tired of it all. It's not that much to ask for a decent gentleMAN to sweep me off my feet while I am tiptoeing into my 30s.

Being let down by yet another one brings me to all sorts of questions: Why me? Why are so many other people my age married? How did they all find their significant others before me? What is wrong with me? Will I die alone? Is this a sign that I should drop everything and become a nun? What is the number for the nun hotline? I do know how to rock that black and white...

All jokes aside, this is no laughing matter when you are turning 26 in four months and all four of your best friends are A) married and pregnant B) engaged C) with boyfriend of 3-plus years and have a baby together or D) in a serious relationship. Hi, I'm the loner, single friend of the group and not by choice. Well, maybe by choice because I'm a picky mofo, but not entirely.

Tonight, after a nice, long, much-needed heart-to-heart convo with my besty, Michelle, she effortlessly convinced me to delete my Tinder profile.

Woah, right?

I thought about it for a total of about 7 seconds and then proceeded to get on my phone, click on the app and press the three consecutive options resulting in a successfully deleted profile.

It was liberating, to say the least.

No more checking to see if the military guy, originally from NC matched with me overnight. Just say no to military guys.

No more checking my messages to see that yet another guy had started up a conversation with "Hey gorgeous. How are you?" I'm good and I don't know you so don't call me gorgeous, you horny creep.

No more getting on to see that my number of matches had decreased and wonder what I did wrong to the guy that "unmatched" me.

No more figuring out how to tell a guy "hell no" when he asked to hang out because I didn't know how to tell him that I was more than likely intoxicated when I swiped right on his profile in the first place.

No more unnecessary worry or drama in my life.

Deep breath.

Even though my Tinder account is nonexistent, there are still unavoidable hurdles in my sad love life that I have to overcome. I' always been mentally strong and have no doubt that I will do so valiantly. In time. 

I've already informed my parents that they will not receive any grandchildren from me and I told Michelle that I will be doing lots of solo traveling next year, so there will be no time for me to even think about anyone but myself. Selfish Jordan, here I come.

I am totally and completely fine with watching the children of my best friends grow up and giving them as much "Aunt Jordan" advice as they are willing to put up with. I am totally fine with being a bridesmaid and never a bride. With never having in-laws. With never having to relocate for love. With never having to lie about liking the food that a man spent hours preparing for our anniversary.

I'm preparing myself for living the rest of my life for me and only me. I've never been a girl to need a boy for anything. My dad brought me up right. He brought me up independent. If that independence comes off as harsh, then the person that thinks that can grow a pair.

Goodbye, dating profiles,

Goodbye, temporary matches.

Goodbye, sad and lonely men.

Goodbye, to the me that didn't believe in herself enough to realize that I could be 100% happy on my own.

Hello, beautiful future.

"No one deserves your tears, and the one who deserves them won't make you cry." 
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez


- LJ