Broken Down

I’m writing this post with a sad heart. Not a broken one, but a sad one.

I take that back—a mad one.

I think I’m done being sad about how “men” treat me. Yes, I refer to them in quotations only because that is their technical term due to the fact that the ones I am specially referring to are over 18. When in reality, they are really just boys.

I’m upset with myself for not fighting vulnerability and instead giving in, and ultimately, being hurt emotionally.

After a second, lost-cause guy came and went from my life, I had convinced myself that I would do me from here on out. Focus on my career like I’ve always wanted to. Get back to writing my book. Experience more travels and activities solo. Learn to love being independent.

Just as I was really accepting that mindset, someone had to come swoop in. Like a foolish girl, I let him. And here I am, once again, swearing off the idea of a significant other for all eternity.

Instead of trying to pick up the pieces and start over, I have decided to let myself be upset about the situation for as long as I need to. Instead of running from my feelings of dislike, disgust, sadness and confusion, I am going to face them head on. I am going to remember how bad this feels to fall into yet another trap by the opposite sex. I will be a stronger woman because of it in the end. But, it will be a trying time.

The thing that scares me is, ‘when is the end?’ When will this heartache, heartbreak, immature “men” BS be extinct from my life? I know there is a reason I am experiencing all of this now. I’ve just got to keep on keeping on until I figure it out. And you can bet your ass that I won’t be played by another one.

That vulnerable girl is gone.

- LJ